Caught up in Memories
by Nici Bianca
Summary: He couldn't move, couldn't do anything but watch the scene unfold in front of him. He felt like he was stuck in a nightmare, one of the worst he ever had experienced. But was it really a nightmare? It felt all so real. Too real. - ZoLu, ZoroxLuffy One-Shot Please R&R!


**Caught up in Memories**

He couldn't move, couldn't do _anything_ but watch the scene unfold in front of him. He felt like he was stuck in a nightmare, one of the worst he ever had experienced.

But was it really a nightmare? It felt all so real. Too real.

There was Brook, struggling against an opponent who was even more agile than he was and had managed to stick a saber between Brooks ribs, hindering his movements and preventing him from unleashing his graceful but powerful blows.

He could hear Franky's metallic shoulders aching and screeching, assuming he had problems moving, the sparks that came out of his mechanical chest giving it away.  
Robin looked also beaten and bloody, her slim arms crossed over her chest, knees lightly bend, and her head tilted to the side, sweat running down her forehead while concentrating on her blooming limbs on her four opponents. Even if she tried to hide it, Robin looked like she was ready to collapse.

Chopper's fur was sticky with blood and sweat, both his and his enemy's. His strong legs in Walking Point trembled while he tried to shake of a big guy who had managed to climb on his back.

Sanji stood to his left, cigarette long lost in midst of battle. He was panting hard and, to his shock, limping. Sanji dragged his right leg slightly behind, avoiding too much pressure on it and favoring his left.

He inhaled and could smell rotten eggs, mixed with the smell of dust, sweat and blood. He could hear the unregular snapping of Usopp's Kuro Kabuto, but without the trademark shouting of his attacks.

At some point the sky lightened up, a sign that Nami's powerful Thunderbolt Tempo had strike down on their enemies.

But in all the chaos taking place around him, there was something, an all too familiar speck of green, that was missing. He could here all his nakama fighting with everything they've got, but no matter how hard he strained his eyes and ears, he couldn't find him.

Where was his swordsman?

Where was his first mate?

Where was _Zoro_?

Luffys eyes began to sting from all the dust. A sudden coughing fit racked through his body and after he took his hand away from his mouth, specks of blood covered his palm. His eyes went wide, and he began to look around frantically. "Zoro," Luffy tried to shout, but only managed more of a croaking sound before he had to cough again. He took a deep breath and tried again.

" _ZORO_!" This time his voice reached over the whole battlefield like a powerful wind, taking not only away the dust surrounding him, but all the people as well. His crew and their enemies just vanished.

Luffy was suddenly alone. There were no weapons clashing, no war cries, no sound at all. Just utter, deafening silence pressing down on him. The difference to before was too much for him and his sight began to spin, the only thing he could concentrate on was his own blood rushing through his ears.

When everything finally stopped spinning and Luffy could focus again, he found himself kneeling on the ground. He looked down at his shaking hands in his lap, but recoiled at the sight of them, eyes going wide and his breathing became erratic.

Both were covered in blood, the red, sticky substance slowly dripping down onto his red shorts. _It's still warm_. He tried to take a deep breath to calm his rapidly beating heart, but had to suppress gagging because of the smell of gunpowder mixed with burned flesh.

Luffy lifted his head and when his eyes landed on the person laying in front of him, his breath got caught in his throat and he stopped moving all together.

No. _No it couldn't be!_

He was back. Back at the time right after Ace had died in his arms.

Luffy wanted to shout, to scream, to curl in on himself and cry until he had no more tears to shed and everything would finally turn black and dull around him. Run away and never come back to this terrible time where he had lost his brother.

But right when he was about to break down like the first time, his mind unable to live through this hell again, he heard a very familiar voice calling him.

" _Luffy. Luffy can you hear me?"_

His head snapped up, his eyes already searching for the source of the familiar voice. A sob wracked his body. "Zoro? Zoro where are you? Please, help me! I- I don't know why this is happening!" Luffy's head spun around to search for his first mate, and was surprised to spot him standing just in front of him behind Ace's battered body, but Ace had suddenly disappeared. It was like Luffy had closed his eyes for just a second, but had missed out on something important. He was left behind kneeling on the dirty ground, the blood still dripping from his hands, with Zoro standing in front of him.

" _What happened was supposed to happen. It was conceivable. You are too weak to save_ _anyone_ _. Not your crew, and not even your brother. Now you have to carry the burden of loss alone and you won't be able to wash away the blood staining your hands."_

Luffy just sat there. He couldn't believe the words he just heard from his first mate. Though they were just words, they pierced right through him into his heart like a spear made of ice, causing his blood, and with it his whole body, to freeze and shut down. Even the tears he hadn't realized were sliding down his cheeks stopped.

Zoro _never_ , in all the time they traveled together, thought of him as weak ... did he?

"Wh- what ...," Luffy couldn't form any coherent sentence, so he just sat there and stared with hurt and confused eyes at the man he thought, up until now, would follow him everywhere, who _said_ he would follow him everywhere, but now looked at him in pure disgust and anger, his voice cold, distant and emotionless.

" _You're responsible for the lost dreams of all_ _our nakama. You failed us_ _all_ _because of your weakness. You couldn't protect any of us."_

Luffy started to tremble violently and tears began to once again cascade silently down his face, blurring his vision. But not a single sound escaped his cold lips, as if his vocal chords had been cut. He looked at his first mate and only now he noticed that Zoro was bleeding badly from a deadly wound crossing his chest from his right shoulder to his left hip, forming an 'x' with the old scar he had received from Mihawk so long ago.

"Z-Zoro you're-!" he managed to choke out in a whisper and tried to reach for him to help him, to do _anything_ that the bleeding would stop and Zoro could fulfill his dream along with-

" _You allowed to get me killed along with my dream ... along with all our nakama and their dreams. How could you have let that happen? I will never forgive you."_

The words seemed to echo around them, forever branded into Luffy's mind. Luffy could only kneel there, rooted to the ground, the pure shock rendering him paralyzed.

A sudden coughing fit wracked the swordsman's body, and the young captain had to watch as his first mate collapsed in front of him, blood pooling around his body. It was grotesque how similar it was to his brother's death.

 _What is happening to me?_

 **X**

With a choked scream Luffy awoke in his lightly swaying bunk, sweat dripping from his forehead and his heart pounding wildly in his chest like he had just ran for twenty-four hours straight. He looked around the room he was in and started to panic, just before he realized he was laying in his bunk, in the boy's cabin on the Thousand Sunny, with his nakama still sleeping peacefully around him. They could sleep through a storm if it wasn't for Nami who stomps all over them if something like that happens.

Luffy took in a deep, shuddering breath and held it for a few seconds before releasing it slowly. Then he remembered the blood on his hands and his heart beat picked up once more, looking them over and frantically wiping them down on the blanket again and again, even though there was no blood at all.

"… _and you won't be able to wash away the blood staining your hands."_

When he rubbed at his eyes he noticed that he was crying. A sob nearly escaped him, but he was able to cover his mouth with his hand before anybody could hear it. He was not going to cry in the middle of the night in front of his crew! Instead Luffy decided to slide down from his bunk, trying to be as quiet as possible. When his feet touched the cold ground, he had to steady himself against his bunk to stop the spinning in his head and the trembling of his unsteady legs. Leaning his head against his arms, he looked at the bunk below his one, only to discover that it was empty. An unnerving feeling settled itself in his stomach and he had to suppress another sobbing sound. _Zoro wasn't there._ Luffy tried to calm himself in telling him that he was probably on watch tonight, but the feeling that something wasn't right only grew stronger by the second.

Without wasting another moment, he made his way to the door, quietly opening and closing it behind him as to not disturb his sleeping nakama. It had to be in the middle of the night.

When he finally stepped outside into the lightly fresh air, his clouded mind began to clear, and he could breathe again. Nami said they were reaching a summer island soon, something the three youngest of the crew were expecting with joy since she announced it, and were constantly talking about what they were going to do when they'd finally docked (except hunting for lots of meat and building sand castles of course).

Luffy took another deep breath and he was able to diminish this uneasy feeling in his stomach which started to make him feel sick. The next thing he did was looking up at the crows nest, expecting to see light coming from the windows, maybe even seeing the shadow of his swordsman lifting those huge weights. But his hopes he didn't even realized he had held until now were crushed and the unnerving feeling came back full force like a punch in his gut, together with the fear that it wasn't a dream after all and he had lost Zoro together with his brother because he was too weak to protect them.

He stood in the middle of the deck, a light breeze blowing through his messy black hair and over his bare and still in sweat covered chest, when Luffy's legs finally gave out under his weight and he collapsed onto the lawn deck, his face formed in a grimace of pain and sorrow, hiding in his hands and the sobs now bursting out of his throat uncontrollably, unable to stop the little desperate cries to escape with them, the tears flowing freely.

Luffy didn't know for how long he sat there, a crying and sobbing heap, and he was sure that if he didn't stop at some point the whole ship will be awake and assailing him with questions he didn't know how to answer. But his mind and body were too weak, too shattered and confused to do anything than mourning over the loss of a loved one like he had all those months ago on Amazon Lily.

"Luffy? Luffy is that you, buddy?"

At first, he thought that he had imagined the voice of his swordsman. It was just his mind playing tricks on him to torture him more, but when a warm hand suddenly touched his shaking and cold shoulder, his head snapped up so fast that he was sure if he wasn't made of rubber he would have strained his neck.

The eyes he met with were the deep green-gray ones of his first mate, but they didn't hold the look of betrayal and pain like he remembered. This time they were filled with deep concern and the love of a friend, the love of a nakama. Luffy could only imagine what he must have looked like but didn't care at this moment. Zoro knelt before him on the lawn deck of the Thousand Sunny, alive and full of trust, not standing in front of him and blaming him for both his and Ace's death while slowly bleeding to death himself. But the nightmare was still too fresh in his mind that Luffy couldn't take comfort out of Zoro's present.

"I'm sorry! I am so sorry, Zoro! Pl- please forgive me! Don't leave me again … I- I tried, I really did! But I couldn't s- save him or you or _anyone_! Please … don't leave me behind. I- I can't do this alone ..."

Throughout Luffy's outburst Zoro's concern only grew by the second. He didn't know what happened to his captain to find him in such a state. He had dealt with a sad Luffy, an angry Luffy, even a desperate and crying Luffy, but not with a Luffy stammering about Zoro leaving him behind because he couldn't save someone, and breaking down in a trembling heap of tears and snot. Zoro didn't know what to say when Luffy pleaded for him not to leave, and decided to move on instinct. He leaned forward and embraced Luffy in his strong arms and just hold him until he calmed down enough to tell him what happened. Then he could figure out how he could help his best friend.

Captain and first mate sat there for what felt to both like a little eternity, with Luffy crying his soul out and Zoro catching it all, whispering sweet nothings to the boy sitting in his lap and hiding his tear-stained face in the crook of Zoro's neck. If somebody would ask him, he would never admit that the great Roronoa Zoro, soon to be greatest swordsman in the world and most dangerous member of the Mugiwara no ichimi (after Luffy of course), was capable of being so gentle to his captain and to comfort him like none other ever could. He carefully unfolded his robe to close it around the form of his captain again. The kid was shivering.

When Zoro noticed that Luffy's sobs had died down a little, only now and then escaping him little hiccup sounds, he slightly turned himself that he was able to look Luffy somewhat in the eyes. He lifted a hand and wiped some of the remaining tears with a calloused thumb away. "Oi, senchoo" he whispered calmly. "You with me now?" Luffy nodded and took in a shuddering breath. "Do you want to tell me what happened?" At this Luffy's eyes widened slightly and he shook his head fiercely, hiding it again against Zoro's broad and warm chest, the steady and strong beating of his heart the only thing he wanted to concentrate on. "Okay. I understand. Just tell me when you're ready." Zoro could feel Luffy's finger clench and unclench in his coat and took this as a silent 'yes'.

After some time Luffy began to shiver and Zoro noticed that his skin still felt almost icy to the touch. "Senchoo, it's getting a little cold out here. You wanna go back to the boy's cabin and try to sleep again until morning?" At this question Luffy tried to get even closer to Zoro. He refused to let go of him and go back to being alone and cold. "...wanna stay with Zoro...," he mumbled. The nineteen-year-old captain didn't care at this moment if he sounded like a little whining child. Zoro wouldn't think any less of him.

That was why Luffy felt so save and even more at home when Zoro was with him. He could be like he wanted to be and didn't have to look brave or strong when in reality he felt insecure and unsure. Of course, he trusted all his nakama with his life, but Zoro was there from the beginning. He was … _special_.

"Okay. But let's go into the crows nest. I have to finish watch or Nami will charge me more to my dept." Zoro grumbled the last part under his breath while slowly standing up with Luffy still in his arms. "I assume I'm supposed to carry you the way up to the crows nest now, am I?" When he got no real response from the boy Zoro just shook his head, a small smile tugging at his lips and saying: "Then hold on tight, ya little monkey." He could feel Luffy softly chuckling against him and his smile widened. He would never say it out loud, but Zoro would do anything just to see Luffy smile.

When he was sure that Luffy had a save grip on him, he started to climb up to the crows nest. It only took Zoro a few seconds to reach it even with Luffy holding onto him. Once securely inside, Luffy reluctantly let go of him that he was able to pull his three swords out of his sash and carefully leaned them against the wall where he could easily reach them at any time if needed. Zoro then grabbed the two blankets that always laid folded on the bench under the window for the one who was on watch to use. He spread one blanket out on the ground, sitting down on it and motioned for Luffy to do the same beside him.

Without wasting another second, Luffy sat down on the blanket and snuggled close to his first mate. Zoro couldn't stop the chuckle that escaped him. Luffy was the strongest person he knew, one who could defeat 50.000 fishmen with one use of his Haoshoku Haki, and the man who was going to be the Pirate King. The same young man who now looked like a child curling up against Zoro's side.

Zoro draped his arm over the boy resting against him and tucked them both under the second blanket, hoping that his own body heat would help warming up his captain. "Oi Luffy," he called softly. Luffy raised his head and Zoro looked into his red, puffy eyes. Though Luffy had stopped crying a while ago, his eyes still held that shimmer in them, letting him see the hurt and pain Luffy still tried to hide. Zoro raised a hand and cupped Luffy's cheek, his calloused thumb caressing it like before on the deck. Luffy didn't know why Zoro did what he did next, the only thing he knew was that it felt right to both of them.

Zoro leaned forward and captured Luffy's lips with his in a soft kiss. Luffy's eyes widened at first. He had never been kissed before and didn't know what to do, but he just let Zoro's lightly scrapped lips lead him through this new sensation. His eyes slid close and he gave into the feeling Zoro made him feel. The warm feeling of trust and love.

Love? Was it _love_ what Luffy felt in this moment? But he didn't really care what it was, he didn't need a name for it, as long as Zoro continued to let him feel this way.

Luffy's hands made their way up into the spiky green hair of his first mate, softly scraping his short nails over his scalp, deepening their kiss. Zoro made an approving sound that sounded like a soft groan at the back of his throat. While one of Zoro's hands still rested at Luffy's damp cheek, pulling the younger boy closer, his other hand wandered to the small of Luffy's back, pressing their bodies even more together and earning a lithe moan from the captain.

Just before the kiss could get more heated, Zoro pulled away with one last peck to his captain's lips and leaned his forehead against Luffy's, panting softly, eyes still closed. "C'mon senchoo. Let's sleep." Luffy could only sigh in agreement and, giving Zoro one short but deep kiss, snuggled back into his first mate's warm arms.

But even with Zoro strong and save by his side, an unsettling sleep was awaiting him.


End file.
